The Vomitorium - The Adventures of Bob

The Amazing Adventures of Boring Bob the Barf Bag

Bob has a drink and a sandwich (10k jpeg) Well this week I had a nice trip up to Aberdeen to attend an international symposium on waterproofing paper bags. It really was very interesting. I flew from Manchester Airport to Aberdeen on a Dash 7 operated by Brymon on behalf British Airways. British Airways have opened a new "executive" lounge at Terminal One and it is very nice indeed. I don't know if I can say just how nice it is but it is very, very nice. It's called the British Airways Terraces but I said that it should be called the Executive Terraces 'cos it's so nice and that they shouldn't let any of the rif-raf element in. Anyway, I had a nice relaxing glass of red wine made by some of those really nice antipodeans who pretend to have a big chip on their shoulder but are really quite nice when you get to know them and if you're not a Pommie. G'day Cobblers! Or something like that. With the wine I had a selection of nice sandwiches made by those nice little Mancunian ladies working in the kitchen (or they might have been from Stockport - it's hard to tell sometimes). It was all very nice watching the planes take off and land and then take off again and only on occasions burst a tyre or two. The flight was quite dull as I was sitting next to some guy in a suit with computer who was word processing and then "filling in a spreadsheet". No, this is not a Scottish euphemism for vomiting but actually something that accountants do. He was very happy with it all as evidently he can now downsize the workforce by 23% and get himself a nice big bonus. Somehow this did not sound very nice to me.

Bob whoops it up in Aberdeen (10k jpeg) Aberdeen - The Granite City! This place is absolutely mind-blowing if you like the colour grey. Even the sky looked like it was made of granite. But to be serious just for a minute, the Aberdonians were very nice people and made a sassenach sick-sack very welcome. Now, just to digress, why are they called Aberdonians and not Aberdeenians? Is it to appease those who live on the wee River Don rather than the not so wee River Dee? Its a funny old world. The day of the symposium I had a nice big Scottish breakfast: porridge (with salt), kippers, haggis, black pudding, fried bread, sausagebeansmushroomsbaconeggeuggh. Evidently I didn't miss much at the symposium as most of the papers are to be published in the International Chunder Review which is issued six times a year.

Bob chats up a British Airways barf bag (10k jpeg) What a night! Two and a half Baileys on the rocks and I was anybody's. Finally sobered up in time to catch the flight back to Manchester. Sat next to a very nice BA bagette called Babs (see picture). Boy was she a smart one, you should have seen her backside - eleven languages and two-tone printing. You don't get that on Lufthansa!

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Disclaimer: Bob Baggins is an independent airsickness bag consultant and syndicates this column to several electronic publications (alright, just this one). The views expressed by Mr. Baggins are his own and do not necessarily represent those of the management of The Vomitorium.