Frequently Asked (Stupid) Questions

Uncle Hughie talks to Ralph on the big white telephone

Uncle Hughie, what makes a grown man collect airline sick bags?
A man needs a hobby.

Yes, but why airline sick bags?
Well, the airlines don't seem to mind when you stuff them down your trousers or slip them into a copy of Barfers and Quease.

So you steal them?
Technically some people might call it stealing but I think of them more as publicity hand-outs and some bags are meant to be taken away, e.g. as film processing envelopes or doggy bags.

That makes it is fairly cheap hobby then?
Yes, if you call a $6000 round trip ticket from London to Perth cheap.

I've flown from London to Aberdeen for a lot less, where do you get your tickets?
I meant Perth in Western Australia.

Did you pay for it out of your own pocket?
Er no, it was on business and a big multi-national company paid for it.

So it wasn't too expensive for you then?
Get on with it.

You still haven't said why you collect sick bags instead of other cheap or free items?
Serendipity.

¿Que?
Look, I was sitting on an airplane with my two pet newts and thought "I have been flying for over fifteen years and what have I got to bloody show for it? I know, I'll start collecting these sick bags. Bet nobody else does that!"

And were you correct?
No, there are dozens of like-minded weirdos out there.

Do you have much of a social life?
Pardon?

Do you only collect bags from planes that you have been on?
No, friends collect them for me and sometimes kind folks who visit my web site on the Internet are sufficiently motivated to send some new ones.

So you do have friends?
A few. I really meant colleagues.

How about swaps?
Swapping is very popular amongst sickbaggers.

How does one go about it?
Just send an e-mail to me with what you have to swap and what you would like to swap it for. The sooner you send your snail-mail address the sooner you will get your bags. We are all very trusting in the bag-world

How do you send them?
In a Jiffy bag or envelope stiffened with cardboard - we like to keep the bags nice and flat.

So all it costs is the price of an envelope and stamp?
Yes.

That makes it quite cheap doesn't it?
Well, we normally use air-mail which is a bit more expensive.

What do you do with your bags?
I used to keep them in an old shoe box....

Hey, big spender!
....but after visiting Wolfgang Franken's web-site in Germany I realised that I was doing it all wrong and now I keep them in clear plastic envelopes in a big album. No expense is spared. And of course I had to buy an RS6000 workstation just to keep track of them all.

Really?
No. Actually I use a Psion Series 5.

Is bag-collecting popular in Germany?
It is second only to dormice.

I don't understand that.
Next question.

Have you ever used a sick bag for....well, you know what?
Yes, once on Syrian Arab Airlines.

Was it a very turbulent flight?
No. I had just had too much to drink at the Pan-Am lounge in Rome Airport.

What did you have?
One of everything.

Why were you in the Pan-Am lounge?
I had bought lifetime membership of the Pan-Am Clipper Club. Unfortunately it was their lifetime not mine.

Is there such a thing as the "best sick bag"?
It depends what you mean by best, some bags are technically very good but have uninspired decoration while others may be very pretty but have all the water retention powers of a sieve.

So no clear favourite?
I'm still looking for a 10.

How about a "worst sick bag"?
Well Air Algérie appears to be made of unwaterproofed blotting paper and is very narrow which makes it difficult to use at what can only be described as a distressing time. Tarom used to have brown paper bags on their domestic routes and I wouldn't put much trust in those. However, the bags that really get my goat are the plain white ones. Some really major airlines, both European and American, do not go to the trouble of providing decorated bags. As an avid bag-collector it makes me sick.

Is there a special bag that you would like to collect?
Yes, I rather fancy one from Air Force One - but only if it has the Presidential seal or some other unique identification. I sent an e-mail to Bill Clinton but I still haven't had a reply. Can't think why. There might be a conspiracy in this somewhere. Maybe I'll try Shrub.

Shrub?
George Bush junior.

Any other bags?
Every bag that I haven't got, but especially historical bags.

Would you describe yourself as normal?
Of course.

Do you collect used bags?
Certainly not, they don't lie flat in the album.

Is there anything else that you collect?
I have a rather nice collection of disposable toilet seat covers.

Have they... ? Er, no, I think that's all we've got time for.
Don't forget to sign the guest-book on your way out.